Jordan Beaven

Firstly I want to say hello and sorry for not posting on here for a long time. This will be my first post of 2025 on this blog and It feels strange to be typing a post right now. I won’t lie I have been umming and R-ing whether I would continue this blog as my life has just been… well life.

I have now been in hospital for over 18 months and my mental health has plummeted. I have been in a mental health crisis for a number of weeks now. This has been my longest episode in a rather long time. The hardest part of it all is the fact I have now been detained under a Section 3 of the mental health act. This happened on the 10th July 2025. Initially I wasn’t planning on sharing this information with the world but I couldn’t and won’t be able to hide it forever. I am scared, I am overwhelmed, I am in shock. My whole life suddenly feels out of control. Having been sectioned hasn’t actually changed my life much in anyway and that is the saddest bit of it all. I feel nothing has changed treatment wise or life wise whether I was sectioned or when I wasn’t. The hardest part is not knowing what this means for me and also I am angry.

I am angry because I feel this section is 18 months too late, I am angry that I have got this far and now I feel like my life is even more in disarray. I had no grip on reality before but that rings even more true now. I don’t know what this means for my future as I am still requiring further surgery with some specialists, II can’t stay in a physical health hospital forever so where will they place me for psychiatric care.

My head is just fried and I feel like the walls are closing in on my life and my world is shrinking at a rapid rate. I don’t have a reason to get up and fight anymore. I don’t have a life to go back to when I leave hospital, I don’t have a home, a job, a social life. I just feel so hopeless and that is the reality of my life right now.

I am ashamed to admit I am under a 6 month section. I am ashamed it has reached this point once again when I have escaped by the skin of my teeth being detained under the mental health act for 5 years since my last. I feel I have let everyone down by reaching this low point again and I just feel like I need to share this in this way because I know I am not alone in feeling this way. I have had many meltdowns in private but it’s now got to the point that I am struggling and I am simply creating a mask when around others in order to protect them from the reality that my struggles make me face.

I am scared to admit I am sectioned because it feels like I am failing and that everyone thinks I am okay now because it has been so long since the attempt on my life in December 2023 when the reality is I have such bad PTSD from everything leading up to attempting to take my own life and all the trauma I have had to face since and still have to face on a daily basis. People tell me I am strong and I am inspiring but the reality is I feel like a fraud because I have now been sectioned. Its all just messy and I just needed to type this out to put it out there to those who read this blog to say I am sectioned and I am sorry if I have let people down.

I am so desperate for the help that I am trying to see this as a good thing and that I will actually get better but right now the dark clouds and the fog blocking my future vision is so intense that it’s hard to see how any of this will get better and I think I am going to start using this blog as a place to express myself again with the hopes that sharing my story continues to help even just one person to feel less alone. I hope I can continue to keep fighting so I can try and make some changes to the way the mental health system works because everyone deserves a chance. Everyone deserves to feel less alone and I really hope I can achieve that. I don’t want to die so I am trying my hardest to carry on fighting as I really want to make a difference and show that it’s ok to not be ok and you are never on your own.

Jords x